Monday, March 1, 2010

Good Morning, Professor

The other night, while reading a magazine in bed, I came across a blurb that inspired me. It suggested that upon waking each morning, take a few minutes to jot down positive thoughts and gratitudes in a journal. The article suggests that the mere act of writing affirmations might change our behaviors and thus produce a positive daily outcome in all aspects of our lives.

Sounds easy. What's not to like about that idea.

Here's the scenario I picture in my head:

It's 6 a.m., a stream of sun comes through my window and shines brilliantly onto my face which is sleeping peacefully atop a feather pillow with satin case. I awaken easily; feeling thoroughly rested. When I turn to my bedside table it is free of all clutter save for an elegant leather-bound book, a gorgeously carved writing stylus and perhaps a freshly brewed cup of steaming coffee. I take a few minutes to straighten my 100% organic cotton pyjamas, which are a lovely set, in a pattern of pink and green paisley. Then I spend some alone time jotting down a few positive thoughts for my day. A few things that made me happy yesterday. I am grateful for so many things, if I do not will myself to stop writing, the day will surely escape me. I walk downstairs and greet my family who are waiting patiently to break their fast.

Here's the reality:

The alarm sounds at 6am, suddenly my world is jostled into consciencenous while Don makes his way to my side of the bed for our morning cuddle. I am barely coherent....
As I become at least aware that there is life, I unclamp my jaw, for I have been clenching all night. My fingers and arms are so completely numb, I can barely straighten my flannel Eeyore pajamas which are twisted around me like a straight jacket. (Forget holding a beautifully carved writing stylus.) Some mutation occurs in those eight hours of sleep. I enter my bed as a vibrant and healthy 45 year old, and arise as an old lady with pillow case wrinkles, who can barely unfold herself or walk across the bedroom. I'm freezing, my socks have come off at some point during the night. Still there is no room for lights...it must remain dark. My eyes will likely never adjust
Once arisen, the daily greeting that actually happens is the assessment of how well each of us has slept. I have to ask Don how he slept. Don, however, can surmise based on my hair. If he says: Well, good morning Professor, I simply nod for my hair tells it all. What starts as some basic lopey curls at 10 pm becomes this raging, untamable head of frizz by six a.m. I could actually store my leatherbound gratitude journal within it and no one would ever know. If, on the other hand, Don looks at me with a worried eye and simply clucks his tongue, my hair must look exactly as it did upon retiring eight hours prior and thus it was not a good night of sleep~he doesn't even have to ask.

Pity the 12 year old who is already awake and waiting, waiting, waiting for someone to listen to her morning onslaught of questions and observations. Pity the mom who must feign interest and mumble some answers. All that is missing is the cold-cream and curlers.

Perhaps my gratitude journal might be better served if written before bed, while I am still alert, coherent and lucid. Without question I am more thankful at night.





Maybe It's Just Me......

Well, I was almost hoping for some freak-out, psycho outcome to the sleepover saga. Something that would confirm, without a doubt, that serious therapy should be implemented for at least one of the parties involved. But, in fact the whole process, from RSVP-ing, to drop-off and pick-up, were all quite normal. Eerily normal. Eyebrow-raising normal. Not normal for two people who haven't spoken in 9 months, but normal in a "Let's just sweep that animosity right under the rug, shall we" sort of way.

When I finally mustered up the courage to RSVP I used my icy, professional office voice and was met with a very enthusiastic "Helloooo, How are youuuuu, No, it's OK that you're RSVP-ing so late, no problem, Great, See you Saturday"

Hmm.

I could only stare at the phone in disbelief.

Surely drop-off would be weird.

"Helloooo Graham, how are you, welcome." followed by, for my benefit, a complete run-down of the next 24-hours of activity.

Well, just you watch out because tomorrow when I pick up my son, I'm definitely confronting you, just wait.

Pick up: "Ohhhh, they had SOoooo much fun, what a good boy. Graham won the first game of bowling, he's a really good bowler, you know." and then, here it comes, a heartfelt "Thanks SO much for letting Graham come, I'm really glad you let him and Billy was so excited that he could come"

Huh? Wha? LET him come? Could it be I'm the crazy one? Could this all be my imagination? My fault?

Well, thank goodness Graham left his pillow there because, for sure, I'll confront her when I go to pick that up. First, though, she'll need to follow the script that I have in my head.

Words to Live By: Stop making me think I'm psycho by acting so psycho.